Writing your SMS

It takes some practice to write a great SMS message. It can feel like you have to squash and strip your message bare to fit it into just 136 characters (allowing for the unsubscribe instructions). This article works through an exercise to help you write a short message that includes all of these necessary components:

1. Identify yourself (as the sender)
2. Personalise the message
3. Engage your contact — get their attention
4. Provide a call to action

We'll use a (semi) real‑life example: an organisation called DVDs of Dartmouth, who want to let customers know that a product they've been talking about for a while has finally arrived in store — and to give a select set of customers the chance to buy at a discount if they act quickly.

Step 1 — identify yourself

You want contacts to know who the message is from, so they know where to take up the offer. One way is simply to sign off with your organisation's name:

- DVDs of Dartmouth

That was the easiest part! Organisation names vary in length — if yours is very long, use a familiar shortened version, or provide a link to your website instead.

Step 2 — personalise the message

It's a great idea to include the contact's first name to help grab their attention. Now our message looks like this:

Hi #firstname#, - DVDs of Dartmouth

Remember that while #firstname# takes up 11 characters here, you should check you have room for the longest first name in your contact data.

Step 3 — engage your contact

Here you need a brief but catchy message that interests your contact and encourages them to read on to the call to action. How about:

Hi #firstname#, At last, the DVD rewinder has arrived in store! DVDs of Dartmouth

This is okay… but it doesn't really catch you up in the message. A better option might be:

Hi #firstname#, Woohoo! Now you can rewind your DVDs without any hassle! DVDs of Dartmouth

Think about your audience and how they'll feel about your words. An older age group, or a more serious product, may respond better to different language.

Step 4 — the call to action

Now include the call to action. It needs to be very clear and as simple as possible, so people understand what's required — and so it fits the characters you have left:

Hi #firstname#, Woohoo! Now you can rewind your DVDs without any hassle! As a long‑term customer you can purchase a DVD rewinder at 10% off if you reply with your order before Christmas Day. DVDs of Dartmouth

That call to action is clear — it flags that the offer isn't for everyone, says what it is, and states the deadline. It also makes the most of the technology by making it easy to respond immediately, simply by replying to the SMS. You'll follow up replies with a proper order form, but you've registered their interest right away.

Reducing characters

Now we have a problem — too many characters! 172, in fact, so we need to lose at least 36 (assuming all first names are 11 characters or fewer). Some fairly obvious tips that may help:

• Take out unnecessary words and conjunctions — it may not be grammatically ideal, but it still conveys the meaning.
• Use common SMS abbreviations, e.g. “you are” often becomes “ur”.
• Rework your words — you'll be surprised how easily you can say the same thing with fewer, especially if you tend to be wordy (like me!).

Here's a reworked version using those tips, with one character to spare. You could probably create something even better:

Hi #firstname#, Woohoo! Now u can rewind DVDs without hassle! Long‑term customers receive 10% off DVD rewinders if u reply with order b4 25/12. DVDs of Dartmouth

We'd love to hear your short‑message success stories — feel free to email us and we'll share them with others in our eNudge News.

Heather Maloney
eNudge — the nudge they need!